I want to take a minute and talk about my experience with a bad habit. We all have habits of some sort. Some habits are good, some bad, some we want to stop, and some we’re not even aware of.
As for me, chewing tobacco was a deeply rooted habit and I could not even begin to think about how I was going to stop. It was leading nowhere good. All the outcomes of chewing tobacco were bad, yet I had no plan, intention or desire to quit. Why? Because I felt It would be impossible to for me to stop. Maybe you can even relate with a habit you have in your life like that.
I will never forget my first experience with chewing tobacco. I had been offered cigarettes in the past, but I was an avid cyclist and did not want anything to affect my lungs or my cardio system. I was 18 years old and riding in the car with my baseball buddies. I figured there was no harm in me taking a dip when they offered it to me. “It’s just one dip; it won’t affect my lungs or my cardio” I said to myself. Plus, “everyone has some bad habit of sorts. Heck, my mom and grandmother smoke cigarettes' and they seem to be in good health” I justified.
I can remember vividly the feeling and sensation I received from this first dip. I was sitting in the back seat as my buddies passed the can my way. The nicotine rushed through my blood like nothing I have ever felt! I could not believe the sensation I received from just one little pinch of dip. It was as if I just downed a six back of beer. I remember thinking “how can this stuff can be legal?” I had zero chance; I was hooked!
For nearly twenty years I carried around this habit. It changed me and negatively affected nearly every area of my life.
· My social circle
· My work. I had to find ways to take a break every hour.
· Trips and travel. I had to either bring plenty of dip with me or be sure I could purchase it somewhere.
· Money. I spent a lot of money on this stuff in twenty years.
· Shame. I always felt I had something to hide.
· Regret.
· Loss of Control. I felt controlled by nicotine
· Mental & Physical Dependence. I felt as though dip was like air and water for survival. If my dip can was empty, I had to drop was I was doing and go out to purchase more.
Let’s look at the math. 3 cans a day, $4.00 a can for twenty years. This comes to $4380 dollars a year for twenty years which equals $87,600 wasted. To give myself a little grace, I did not start out with three cans a day but towards the end of this addiction, 3 cans a day was my average.
I saw people that were physically affected by the negative impacts of tobacco, but I never figured it would happen to me. Did the sight of someone missing 1/2 their tongue or their jawbone prompt me to quit? Nope. We convince ourselves and justify the addiction by thinking “this stuff happens to other people, but not me.”
Back in 2013, I came to a point in my life where I wanted to stop. In my mind, there was no possible way. I felt that my only hope was to pray to God to intervene. I prayed often that God would take away the urge, the addiction & the habit. If I had to give a timeline on how long I prayed for this, it would be 1-2 years. I know God works miracles, but this one was really big!
As time went on and I continued to pray, I had a startling experience. It was the middle of the night, around 3:00am, I remember physically sitting up in bed. I perceived that I was woken up by a man standing 6’2” tall right next to my side of the bed. He was completely blacked out, like a shadow of sorts and had a hood over his head. At this point, I was startled awake. My heart was pounding, I quickly realized the figure had not gone away and I was not dreaming. I sensed that this was some sort of demon. My mind immediately translated to me that it was the demon of nicotine. He stood by my bed side for a few moments, he did not seem alarmed that I was aware of him. Why? The look of arrogance on his face. He thought he had me. The demon of nicotine thought he had my life and that I would never quit.
Now, my Saturday mornings have always been geared for long group road rides. This schedule has been normal for 10-15 years. My family knows me and my energy and passion for riding. If I do not get my ride in, it’ll be a rough day for me. Well, this Saturday, one week after my “experience” was different. My clock went off at the regular time and it was pouring outside. I had the whole week prior to get my head wrapped around what had happened and I prayed for clarity. I was grateful to God for giving me that experience as I never viewed my addiction as a demon.
For some remarkable reason, I had a sense of peace about me when I realized I was not going to get my ride in. I shuffled out of bed, grabbed my bible and went into the living room. I got comfortable in the chair and started reading. I'm unclear how my thoughts and feelings took action from that point. One thing I am clear on is that Saturday was the day I stopped chewing tobacco. This was the day I said NO, took a stance, and told the devil he had no grounds in my house! My body is my house, the place where this addiction was living, and I took back my house. I know the experience sounds crazy but understand that God knew this is what it was going to take for me to quit.
Was I scared? Heck yea I was scared! God gave me a peace that this was the day we made a clear stance against the enemy. The next two weeks were pretty tough. Let’s face it, you get used to something like this, it becomes a habit not only in your body expecting it but, in your mind, urging you to do it. My urges were off the charts and my body felt the withdrawals.
What carried me through it?
· Prayer: God gave me a peace and determination to continue to fight. I went to him in prayer daily and stood against the enemy.
· Nicotine Free Tobacco: I helped overcome my urge by using nicotine free tobacco.
· I used Dipstop: This is an herbal droplet with herbs that take away cravings.
· I ate: I ate Nutella straight from the jar. Heck, I might have put on 10-15 pounds.
· My family: The love and patience of my family to give grace with my roller coaster of emotions.
My story does not end here. After 2-3 weeks of being completely clean of chewing tobacco, I had another encounter in the middle of the night. Again, around 3:00 am, I was awakened from a good sleep. I sat straight up in bed knowing something or someone was near. I cleared my eyes, looked forward and noticed the demon of nicotine standing at my bedroom doorway. He was in a red sweat suit with white pinstripes. A soon as I focused my eyes on him, he darted through the wall, never to be seen again. He knew he no longer had a hold on me.
If you have made it this far, I want you to know that I still have trouble verbalizing this to people because the entire experience was pretty crazy. God laid out his perfect plan to make me aware of what role this substance was playing in my life. He did it through a vision and an awareness of the fact that it had a hold on my life that was distracting me from what I was really made for.
I felt the need to share this for a number of reasons. First, if you are addicted to nicotine: there IS hope and you CAN quit. Second, take an inventory of your habits and evaluate which ones are serving you and which ones you are serving. Third, I am here. This can be in prayer, coaching, or simply talking with you about your life. Please reach out to me.
Let me add one more nugget. I have been clean of nicotine for nearly 7-8 years now and my mother has also quit smoking after nearly 50 years. I am so grateful, humbled and on fire to live every day with complete intention and passion! I am able to see my life and my future in a way that I never could have with all the shame and hiding I was doing while dipping. God helped me remove the thing in my life that was standing between who I was and who I am meant to be.